Dating Deal Breakers

When dating these days, there are so many creative ways to meet people.  Whether it be organized or spontaneous get-togethers, various social media platforms and apps, friends and family, and events and activities, there are definitely lots of ways to be meeting all kinds of people, all of the time!

When it comes to dating, especially in a place like NYC, the options can seem both excitingly overwhelming and seemingly nonexistent at the same time.  With so many people concentrated in one place, one might think that it’d be so easy to meet, date, and find a partner they’d like to commit to; however, many of us find that the opposite is often true.  It can be really daunting to find someone who is a good fit for you, due to the enormity of choices and options in a city such as ours. Additionally, some people may find themselves dating for quite a long time before finding someone with whom they truly “click.”  Dating culture these days is also peppered with instant gratification and can be very fast-paced, which may cause stress and frustration for many.  Schedules are different, and commitments vary from person-to-person.  You may really enjoy someone’s company on the first few dates, but be left feeling unsure of their intentions.  If any of this sounds familiar, read on.

When it comes to dating in a way that is productive for you, there are some key topics to bear in mind when trying to find the “right” fit for you.  The first is to know if you are dating casually, or if your goal is to look for something a bit more long-term.  Remember, your own set of prerequisites is subject to change, and your goals can change, but it is helpful to take the time to tap into what you find important when it comes to dating, to ensure that you’re being honest with and true to yourself.  Recognizing how you feel about yourself in the areas highlighted below can help guide you towards finding a match that is healthy, compatible, loving, and supportive.

1) Emotional –  Do you require a deep emotional connection with your date/partner?

2) Physical – Is it important to you to have an attraction towards, or some chemistry with, your date/partner?

3) Mental – Are intelligence and good, healthy discussions important to you?

4) Values –  What do you cherish?  What is important to you?  Do these values work in tandem with your date/partner’s values?

5) Time – Do you ideally want to spend most of your time with your date/partner?

6) Communication – Can you be open with your date/partner and share what’s on your mind?

7) Goals –  Do you want to foster growth in your career?  Try a new adventure?  Travel more?  Do you want marriage and kids?  Do these goals mesh with theirs?

8) Personality – Are you an introvert or an extrovert?  Reserved, or outgoing?  Does it matter to you if your date/partner is compatible in this regard?

9) Views on “Hot Topics” – What’s your take on politics?  Religion?  If your date/partner doesn’t align with your views on these topics, would that be okay with you or not?

10) Lifestyle – Are healthy eating and exercise a part of your life?  Is staying in or going out important to you?  City life vs. suburban style?  Are alcohol and substance-use issues things you want to consider?

The better you define your own comfort level when considering the topics above, the better you’ll be able to get to know yourself when considering your dating choices.  You may be willing to compromise on some, all, or none of your personal perspectives when it comes to dating.  If you ever feel like you are too passive, too aggressive, change yourself too much to compensate for the other person, find yourself trying too hard to make things work, or that certain unhealthy patterns keep repeating themselves, then it may be time to reconsider how you date, so that you can achieve your own romantic goals.  What are your dating deal breakers?  Reach out to discuss!


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